Hawkstar
Warrior
Queen Grafix = me
Posts: 106
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Post by Hawkstar on May 29, 2006 20:17:38 GMT -5
Display Name:
Tundra
Characters:
Hawkstar ~ Leader of WindClan
Gender:
Tom
Personality:
Tundra is loyal, loves his Clan more than his life, and will kill any dangerous cat/enemy attempting to approach his leader. But that’s just it, he is murderous, strong, fierce, forceful and powerful, while being wise and understanding. Tundra is a very weird combo. If you are close to him, Tundra will give his life for you, but if you are not, Tundra will just threaten to take yours.
RP Example:
A mystifying midnight-blue sky with golden flaming stars made the night absolutely beautiful. But the fog that covered the forest like vale added a murderous touch… Any cat, even a kit, to whom lifted their nose into the sky would want to faint at the delicious mixture of smells; rose, lilac, and rabbit.
Tundra was no exception, he went out searching for fresh-kill when he sniffed the heavenly scent, and melted away. But as a NightClan cat this was no way to act, so he sternly stood up and stalked with such power he felt he could kill a deer, and would like to. But in his mind he knew he couldn’t, but in his heart… He continued searching, but now, searching for the rabbit in which he had scented. The smell led him all through the forest and close to other clans, but stayed in NightClan. Finally, he saw the tremendous rabbit, a Jackrabbit most likely, and he knew immediately it would be a true feat to bring back such a large rabbit. He dropped into a crouch, taking inch-sized steps closer to the huge prey. Inches away, Tundra raised his paw and brought it down on the mighty creature.
Tundra had always been mocked on his huge paws, but as he got older, the mocking seized. The fellow NightClan cats stopped mocking him for three reasons, one, out of fear what he might do to them, two, he learned to use his paws incredibly in hunting, and three, he began to become a huge cat, matching his large paws’ size. So instead of looking ridiculous, he looked mighty and powerful. Tundra liked this, he also liked that many NightClan cats envied this.
Within a few painful seconds, the large rabbit was dead. Tundra scooped it up and brought it back to camp. Once there, the powerful white warrior showed off his catch, then ate it with much pride. Another night, another kill for NightClan.
Tundra is as said before, a huge, powerful looking, white warrior. But he is part tabby so he a perfect platinum stripes. There is a long line of platinum down his back, and many pale platinum stripes branching off of it. His huge paws are all platinum, except the front left paw, which is white. Tundra is, was, and always will be a strong, forceful, loyal warrior.
Why you should get this character:
I am an experienced role-player; I have edited Tundra a number of time, even changing his name; Tundra will provide loyalty and strength to his clan; And his personality fits those of NightClan perfectly.
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Post by Katze on May 29, 2006 21:22:55 GMT -5
1. NightClan cats are ruthless, not law-abiding citizens.
2. Add more to Why and Rp example.
3. (Add gender. I am adding that to form)
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Post by Silverstream on May 30, 2006 15:29:25 GMT -5
Also, please spell check a bit, and the rp example is really confusing. All I got out of that was that he caught 8 pieces of prey. Also, mostly, NightClan doesn't bring back fresh-kill. They eat it right then and there.
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Hawkstar
Warrior
Queen Grafix = me
Posts: 106
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Post by Hawkstar on May 30, 2006 16:37:48 GMT -5
oh, ok! I'll fix soon! So when you say ruthless... do you also mean murderous?  |
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Post by Silverstream on May 30, 2006 16:49:08 GMT -5
Yes. NightClan's main goal is to kill.
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Hawkstar
Warrior
Queen Grafix = me
Posts: 106
|
Post by Hawkstar on Jun 2, 2006 16:50:54 GMT -5
There! Changed it completely! 497 words not counting the bold and italicized codes and not counting the form.
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Post by ARTEMISxxx on Jun 2, 2006 18:29:25 GMT -5
"Tundra had always been mocked on his huge paws, but as he got older, the mocking seized."
Seized should be changed to ceased.
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Post by Katze on Jun 2, 2006 21:28:33 GMT -5
Sunpelt, please do not post OOC posts here.
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Post by The Everlasting SUNNEH. on Jun 4, 2006 12:26:02 GMT -5
((Sorry. I was just trying to point out the good things! I mean, if people are critizing something that you worked hard on, even the littlest details can be important. This might not be the case, but I feel that your not giving anything good about the bio.))
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Post by Silverstream on Jun 4, 2006 18:35:11 GMT -5
It's okay if you help. You just can't accept...
Hawkstar: You need more personality. If we don't accept a regular bio with that little personality, then an audition is just the same.
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Post by The Everlasting SUNNEH. on Jun 4, 2006 20:28:56 GMT -5
((I understand that! *sigh* Why is it every time I try to help, people think I am an admin-wannabe?! This happened before, except it was more straight-forward!))
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Post by Katze on Jun 4, 2006 20:42:18 GMT -5
Sunpelt please stop thinking that. No one has called you an "admin wanna-be" on this thread. We are just telling you that you don't need to post on every single thread. We will congratulate their work when it is finished.
Hawkstar: This is what your personality looks like:
Tundra is loyal, loves his Clan more than his life, and will kill any dangerous cat/enemy attempting to approach his leader. But that’s just it, he is murderous, strong, fierce, forceful and powerful, while being wise and understanding. Tundra is a very weird combo. If you are close to him, Tundra will give his life for you, but if you are not, Tundra will just threaten to take yours.
This is what is should look like (how long it should be):
Tundra is loyal, loves his Clan more than his life, and will kill any dangerous cat/enemy attempting to approach his leader. But that’s just it, he is murderous, strong, fierce, forceful and powerful, while being wise and understanding. Tundra is a very weird combo. If you are close to him, Tundra will give his life for you, but if you are not, Tundra will just threaten to take yours.
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(_=Add on to line)
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Hawkstar
Warrior
Queen Grafix = me
Posts: 106
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Post by Hawkstar on Jun 4, 2006 21:03:04 GMT -5
yes ma'am!
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Post by The Everlasting SUNNEH. on Jun 5, 2006 6:22:12 GMT -5
I haven't posted on 'every single thread'!
Sorry. Mood Swings. Actually, I am like this because before, people would shout it right in my face. Ever since I still feel like they think that, but they are not saying it. I only wanted to help.
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Post by Silverstream on Jun 5, 2006 7:12:38 GMT -5
Erm... Sunpelt, Krova has a point there. Look at your post count. You have roughly 300 mor posts than me, and I'm the second highest poster, and you've been gone for a while. We both joined on the same day, but I joined at around 8 am, and you around 2 pm.
I'm not calling you an admin wannabe, I'm just saying with the posting part, it's true.
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