Thread for Thislefur - Thistlefur:WindClan:she-cat

[Flintpelt [Spideh]]

There ya go! Post yer bio!

[Thistlefur]

Name: Thistlefur

Do you honor?: Yes

Age: 25 moons

Gender: She-Cat

Appearance: She is a small and wiry cat, with a white chest, paws and tail tip with startling amber eyes. She has a brown/ginger face apart from a black stripe running between her ears. The rest of her is brown/ginger with black markings, apart from the white patches. Thistlefur tries to keep her coat clean, but to no avail. She always has dirt or mud or a leaf of some kind in her fur. She always has a spring in her step, despite the ugly scar on her left back leg, and she is a swift runner. Thistlefur always has a smile and a gleam in her eyes exept when some one or something has upset her. Then she is distant from all cats and sneers at everyone who annoys her.

RP Example:
“Mouse dung!”
Thistlefur flicked her brown and white tail in annoyance. “I can’t even catch a rabbit today. What is the matter with me?” The she-cat looked around and realised with a surprise that she had chased the evasive rabbit to Fourtrees. The huge oaks were tall and their colossal branches coated in golden leaves, which were slowly floating to the ground. "I love this place in leaf fall" she thought and she startes to jumping around trying to catch the leaves that where dancing in the air. "Look at yourself Thistlefur, you're acting like a kit." So the young warrior stoped, and sat for a few moments, her tail around her paws, breathing in the crisp air of leaf fall. She drank in the forest scents, trees, prey; she could smell the stench of the Thunderpath and... ShadowClan? Thistlefur searched wildly for the source of the stink. Branches and bushes rustled around her. Huge and well-muscled warriors surrounded her on all sides, but none of them heard Thistlefur utter a prayer. Great StarClan, help me.' Thistlefur stood, frozen to the spot, racking her brains for a way out. The warriors had closed her into a circle with no gaps to run through. She sneered at then, trying to make herself as large as possible and her unsheathed claws were digging, far in to the ground. She hoped that her fear sent was not that strong even though she could see on the intruders smiles. There was only one way she could get out of this pridicement, but it was a long shot. Bunching up all her muscles, she sprang above the heads of the cats and raced as fast as she could back to camp, ShadowClan hot on her heels.

Clan: WindClan

Rank:Warrior

Breed: American Shorthair

Personality: Thistlefur is a gentle cat, but is fiercely protective of her friends and of her Clan. She is very loyal and quick-witted but has very strong opinions which gets her in trouble alot. She takes offence very easily, but also forgives easily. She is very optimistic and is almost always cheerfull. When she has taken offence she will sulk for a little while. She enjoys playing with kits and wants to have some of her own one day. However she thinks that she is to inmature to have some at the moment

History: 'Thistlefur was left on the side of the Thunderpath as a kit by some two-legs in the belly of a monster. The Medicine Cat was gathering herbs, and found her. She was given to a surrogate mother who had just given birth, and to this day no one knows that she is not Clan-born, except the Medicine Cat and the queen. Thistlefur herself thinks she is Clan-born.'

[Flintpelt [Spideh]]

Problem #1: The code ya used isn't the right one. All the section names should be bold, except for 'Do you honor', which is in italics.
#2: Correction of appearance.
Original appearance -
'She is a small and wiry cat, with a white chest, paws and tail tip with startling Amber eyes. She has a brown/ginger face apart from a black stripe running between her ears. The rest of her is brown/ginger with black markings, apart from the white patches'
Fixed appearance -
'She is a small and wiry cat with a white chest, paws and tail-tip, her eyes being a startling amber color. She has a brown-ginger face apart from a black stripe running between her ears. The rest of her body is a brown-ginger color with black markings, except for the white patches.'
This should also be longer. Is she a neat cat, or is she dirty? Does she have scars? Where are they? Is there a particular expression you most often see on her face? Does she have any particular marks other than her colors? An attitude that reflects in the way she walks or holds herself? There are many things to add.
#3: Correction of RP example.
Original RP example -
'“Mouse dung!”
Thistlefur flicked her, brown and white tail in annoyance. “I can’t even catch a rabbit today. What is the matter with me.” The she-cat looked around and realised with a surprise that she had chased evasive rabbit to Fourtrees. The huge Oaks were tall and their colossal branches coated in Golden leaves, which were slowly floating to the ground. The young warrior sat for a few moments, with her tail around her paws, breathing in the crisp air of leaf-fall. She drank in the forest scents, Tree’s, prey; she could smell the stench of the Thunderpath and, ShadowClan? Thistlefur searched wildly for the source of The Stink. Branches and bushes rustled around her. Huge and well-muscled warriors surrounded her on all sides, but none of them heard Thistlefur utter a prayer. Great StarClan, Help me.'
Fixed RP example -
'“Mouse dung!”
Thistlefur flicked her brown and white tail in annoyance. “I can’t even catch a rabbit today. What is the matter with me?” The she-cat looked around and realised with a surprise that she had chased the evasive rabbit to Fourtrees. The huge oaks were tall and their colossal branches coated in golden leaves, which were slowly floating to the ground. The young warrior sat for a few moments, her tail around her paws, breathing in the crisp air of leaf-fall. She drank in the forest scents, trees, prey; she could smell the stench of the Thunderpath and... ShadowClan? Thistlefur searched wildly for the source of the stink. Branches and bushes rustled around her. Huge and well-muscled warriors surrounded her on all sides, but none of them heard Thistlefur utter a prayer. Great StarClan, help me.'
Some more length on this would also be appreciated.
#4: There's a spelling mistake in the personality. 'Wich' should be 'which'. And it should be longer.
#5: Correction of history.
Original history -
'Thistlefur was left on the side of the Thunderpath,as a kit, by some two-legs in the belly of the monsters. The Med. Cat was gathering herbs, and found her. She was given to a surrogate mother who had just given birth, and to this day no one knows that she is not clan born, except the Med. Cat and the Queen. Thislefur herself thinks she is clan born.'
Fixed history -
'Thistlefur was left on the side of the Thunderpath as a kit by some two-legs in the belly of a monster. The Medicine Cat was gathering herbs, and found her. She was given to a surrogate mother who had just given birth, and to this day no one knows that she is not Clan-born, except the Medicine Cat and the queen. Thistlefur herself thinks she is Clan-born.'

There <33 Otherwise, great effort for a new member!

[Thistlefur]

I think that is right now ?!

[Silverstream]

Appearance:
"Amber eyes" should be "amber eyes"
"tokeep" should be "to keep"
"avail.She" should be "avail. She"

Rp Example:
"leaf fall"she" should be "leaf fall" she"
"Look at yourself Thistlefur you're acting like a kit." should be "Look at yourself Thistlefur, you're acting like a kit!"
"crisp air of leaf-fall" <--- Make up your mind... leaf fall or leaf-fall?
"fast as she coud" should be "fast as she could"

Personality:
"cheerfull.But when she has taken" should be "cheerful. When she has taken"
" and want to hae some " should be " and wants to have some "

----Me is bored of looking for spelling mistakes... fix the ones I've pointed out, and do a spell check please!

[Thistlefur]

Sorry my spell check is not working

[Silverstream]

Then use the spell check on the site. Go to modify post and at the bottom, there's a "Spell Check" button. Click it, and fix the post. If that doesn't work, you'll have to hand spell check it.

[Thistlefur]

Please let this be right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Silverstream]

M'kay! Just 2 things: 1, in the Rp Example, you say "startes" and it should be "starts". 2, in the Personality, you say "cheerfull" and it should be "cheerful". Fix those, and you're good!