Looking in from outside

[Chaos]

The day matched Chaos' mood. It seemed as though everything was a dismal grey colour, even down to the naked-looking fall trees not yet covered by snow. Rain pattered on the leaf-carpeted ground, as if for once even StarClan mourned with Chaos. The clouds overhead were a sullen lead colour, pressing down on the world below them.

Chaos was feeling all of these things - dismal, mournful and sullen - as she watched the inhabitants of ShadowClan sit beneath the shelter of Royalrock, sharing tongues. They were pressed flank-to-flank together, huddled against the bitter marsh winds, not seeming to even mind the abysmal weather. Watching them made Chaos feel more alone than ever, knowing inside that she'd never have easy companionship like that with her Clanmates. They didn't miss her, didn't even notice she wasn't there. They never had, they weren't now, and they never would. I don't need them, she thought. They're nothing to me, nothing! Other cats bring only uncertainty. But her soul yearned for another cat, just one, to be comfortable with. For a long time she sat there on the edge of the clearing, just barely covered by an overhanging branch. Maybe, just maybe, somecat would come to talk to her.

What felt like ages had passed and Chaos moved out of the meager shelter of her branch. The rain soaked through her pelt with icy efficiency, but she ignored it. She didn't deserve shelter.

[Shadepelt]

[[DunDunDuhhh! Iceheart to the rescue!]]

The patter of the rain on the hard ground was starting to get irritating. It seemed like it had been pouring for days, with no sign of clear weather to come. But, clanlife went on, the elements couldn't stop the ShadowClan cats from doing their daily duties.
It was no different for Iceheart, deputy of ShadowClan. Already he had gone for a hunt, and done a patrol of the boarders. Now, with everycat inside camp for the worst of the weather, there was nothing to do. And for once in his life, the energetic tom was bored. No enemeies to chase away, no apprenticeships, and he didn't have an apprentice to train. Not yet atleast his mind reprimanded himself.
The dark clouds just seemed to get darker, and Iceheart's silver-white pelt was beginning to stand out. Icy oculars scanned the camp, there must be something he could do!
Wait, what was that?
His scanning gaze stopped abruptly, as a slight movement caught his attention. It blended in well with the dismal surroundings, but, the male was sure that it was indeed a cat, alone. Perfect! Moving briskly, the tall feline padded over to the shadow-like form, on his way he figured out that it was Chaos, the quiet, yet angry female warrior. He had never really had much to do with her, and apparently she was quite a handful. He shrugged, he didn't really have anything better to do. And, even if he failed at getting some kind of positive reaction out of the she-cat, at least he could say he tried. That at least was worth something.
The dark grey-furred cat looked like she was trying to get shelter from a tree branch, which didn't make sense, but each cat had their own places they liked to be. Iceheart stopped a tail-length away from her, then moved in and settled beside her. He was silent; he wasn't exactly sure what kind of cat Chaos was, but he knew that some cats didn't like to go into conversation right away, so he would play it safe.
His body shivered under his sodden pelt, but he didn't shake the water that was clinging to his pelt, because then he would drench the cat beside him [although that would have been funny].
Without a word, he turned his head so his eyes were directed entirely on the she-cat, so that she wouldn't feel indifferent or like he was being wary of her. Azure blue orbs were questioning, but gentle, and also strong; Chaos had a temper, but he wasn't going to take any mouse-dung from her, he wasn't weak in that way.

[Chaos]

A warm, wet presence thumped down beside her, shivering in spite of obvious efforts not to disturb her. She didn't look up. After all, it was probably just some cat coming in from a hunting patrol, trying to kick her out of the scant shelter she had. Great. Now she had a dilemma. If she ignored them, maybe they'd just go away. On the other hand, if she looked at them, they'd recognize her, see that she was Chaos, the shunned, the one nocat wanted to talk to or even stay near. Then they'd go away for sure. Hmmm. Looking up would be better, once they saw her they'd run away for sure. She did so, dark amber eyes blazing, ready to scorch the recipient with anger they wouldn't be likely to forget - she'd teach them to try to take her shelter! They could go join all their cozy little friends in the center of camp! As her head jerked up, she saw who it was. Her eyes, so filled before with destructive anger, widened in shock as they took in her companion's soaked silvery pelt, blindingly blue eyes and tall, limber grace. Iceheart!
She'd hoped for some kind of companionship, an acknowledgement that she existed, but this? The deputy? The goody-two-shoes of the Clan? This was too much! Iceheart hadn't come here because he wanted some good conversation, either. He pitied her! Chaos, the misfit, the sullen, angry outsider of the Clan. Obviously he'd wanted some good publicity amongst the Clan, and so he was bending down his lofty StarClan-favoured soul to come save her. He was going to try to convert her into his syrupy sweet, loving, honourable religion. Well, she wouldn't play. The eyes narrowed again, refilling astonishingly quickly with their previous resentment. The tail switched, the lips skinned back, barely covering the teeth. She opened her mouth to ask him who he thought he was - and stopped. This was what she'd wanted, wasn't it? Some cat coming to talk to her? And she'd never really talked to Iceheart either, so she had no foundation for her anger. Just the unmistakeable pity in his eyes. For a second, she got mad all over again. But she was a pretty pitiful cat, wasn't she? Achingly lonely, yet stubbornly, resentfully pushing away every chance she got for healing. And besides, she had to hand it to him. He was really devoted to his Clan (or else really bored) to try talking to her. Her eyes softened; she decided not to hold any of it against him. She decided, for once, to try being kind. A landmark moment for Chaos, daughter of Darkleaf, half-sister of Sabbath. Daughter, too, though she'd deny it all her days, of the betrayer, the one she would never name.
So it was there, in the grey, oppressive gloom, lying uncomfortably in the middle of the pouring, ice-cold sleet, that Chaos stopped pushing healing away. "Hello," she whispered. "Have you been hunting in this weather?
((Hah! Beat ya for length!))

[Shadepelt]

[[Yish x3]]

As the she-cat turned her head to face the tom, he met her angry and seemingly shocked gaze evenly. Of course she was going to be surprised, he would be too if he was in her position. But, even if Iceheart did pity her a little bit, he had no doubt that Chaos could cope with a lot of things. One thing he didn't expect her to do was to get angry at him. As she flashed her teeth and narrowed her eyes, the deputy simply raised an eyebrow and gave her a look that said 'you know I'm not going to take this right?'.
The ShadowClan cat knew that even talking to Chaos was going to be a challenge, and at first he had wanted to leave after her rude display of anger towards him. But now that he had seen the rage she showed towards other cats, the tom felt that she needed his help. Not because he didn't believe that she couldn't sort all this out herself, but now that the male had gotten himself into this, he wasn't going to leave the female stranded.
The stern look stayed solid on his face, and Iceheart seemed almost vacant; ice blue eyes pircing through her dark amber orbs. Only did his cold gaze soften when the she-cat changed to a friendlier expression. He even gave her a small smile, once he had accepted her greeting.
"Hello." The meow was soft, but not dripping with sympathy or overly cheerful. To her question, Iceheart simply nodded and said,
"Yeah, I have. Someone's got to, the clan's hunger dosn't stop because of some rain."
Upon saying that, a blast of grey exploded from the nursery, pelted towards the tom and screeched to a stop before him. It was Crescentkit; the long legs and huge paws gave him away. The kit's steel-blue eyes were alight with joy, and for a moment the ShadowClan cat remembered the easy life of a kit. Smiling rougishly, the young tom mewed,
"Hi Chaos and Iceheart, bye!"
And with that, the tufty kit was off again, leaving the deputy drenched in the water he had kicked up.

[[0-0 Random ending. xD]]

[Chaos]

((No kidding!))
Iceheart was giving her a hard stare, as though he thought he could learn her secrets by doing so. No time like the present to learn he can't, she thought. The strangely forgiving mood she'd been in when Iceheart came had disappeared, perhaps washed away with the water Crescentkit had kicked up. She didn't feel like being lovely and sweet to the deputy anymore. All her old stubbornness and bitterness came rushing back as she told herself insistently that the anger was protecting her from being hurt.
It's also protecting you from healing old hurts, an inner voice said timidly.
Sometimes getting better isn't painless. Sometimes healing hurts.
Turning to Iceheart, she met his icy gaze without hesitation. It was harder not to look away than she had expected. Hmmm. Maybe there was a reason he was called Iceheart. As cold as he could look though, she knew she could beat him with one paw tied behind her back. She put ice into the depths of her dark amber eyes, making her gaze colder and colder until her eyes seemed to be reflecting the weather. Then she thought of something, and inadvertently her newly hardened stare turned to one of curiosity. Defensive curiosity, but curiosity nonetheless.
"Why'd you come?" she demanded. "Nobody ever came before..." A horrible thought appeared once agian in her mind, made all the worse by her reawakened temper. "Is that why you came? Because you pitied me? I don't need pity," she snapped. "Not from you, not from anycat! I can take care of myself." But could she? Really, could she?
Is it such a bad thing, to need help once in awhile? her good-cat half, long buried, whispered.
Yes, snapped the other half of her. The half that had been in control for over ten moons. Because if other cats help you, they know your weaknesses. They can harm you.
The bitter, thorny part of her won this fight. Iceheart wasn't going to hear an apology. And Chaos wasn't going to ask for any kind of help, any way at all. But it wasn't a complete victory for the thorns. The good-cat Chaos had seen the light at last, and was stronger for it.
Sometimes you need to hurt.
((Oooh, inner battle!))

[Shadepelt]

[[Meh Iceheart's not gonna take that! He's not a softie-puss you know!]]

As the female's dark amber eyes took on a transformation of coldness that could freeze StarClan itself, Iceheart met her stare evenly, now ceasing to blink for quite awhile.
Let her release her anger, it's what she needs to do. She's been holding it in for years. That was his conclusion, and he lay there beside her, not once releasing himself from her furious stare.
As Chaos started to speak once again, he could understand her curiousity. But once she started to the whole 'Don't pity me' thing, it started to bore the tom. Blue eyes calm but frigidly cold, he began his speech.
"Why am I here? Well, I'm not here because I don't think you can take care of yourself. After all, you have lived anti-socially for years. Sure, most cats think I'm nice all the time, and I am to cats who have gained my respect and keep it. You, on the other hand, are gaining the exact oppisite, not that you would care, but I like to think that I can trust every cat here. If my life was in your hands, I'd like to think you'd save me, and right now I'm getting the feeling that you'd let me die. So, if you don't want me here, fine, I'll leave."
He rose fluidly to his monstrous white paws, and padded several steps away. Suddenly he stopped, and turned his head back to look at the dark grey she-cat. He shook his head, blue eyes piercing right through her.
"The only cat's I pity are ones that refuse help when given to them."
Without uttering another word, the tom trotted swiftly into the center of the clearing, sizing up the fresh-kill pile to see if it needed to be restocked.

[[Iceheart is like me. The whole speech he did, kind of describes me. Kool.]]

[Chaos]

((Heh. Actually, the speech Chaos did kinda descibed me. Whoo, maybe it's an omen. Or maybe we make our characters to reflect ourselves. The things our characters say actually describe our own attitude towards life and the issues we write about.))

Fury not yet spent, Chaos actually spent a few seconds glaring after Iceheart. Slowly, though, she calmed down, feeling first one icy droplet, then more, soak through her pelt. She lay down once more, quietly conserving her warmth under the scant shelter of her achingly bare oak branch. So. She was back to square one. Alone and pitiful, huddled and shivering against icy rains under sullen skies. Déjà vu all over again, to quote the redundant proverb. Or was it? The Chaos that had shivered under this branch the first time had been whole, united in her bitterness against catkind. Now she just... wasn't. She was torn in half, divided against herself. Angry betrayal versus the need for healing. And which was winning? She didn't know.
Apologize, you lunkhead! her better self berated her. Iceheart's not stupid, he just ran out of patience!
If she forced herself to be perfectly impartial, she could see that she probably would've tried the patience of a rock.
Fine, she replied sullenly. She didn't say it aloud - they could hear her from the thick tangle of cats in the center of camp. They weren't going to have any more ammunition to throw at her if she could help it! Slowly, bones creaking as though she were an elder, she got up. Hurt pride made her a lot slower than she would've been otherwise. The distance to the fresh-kill pile stretched into miles, while if she looked behind, the trip back to her branch seemed like two mouse-lengths. Several times she almost turned back; throwing herself on Iceheart hardly sounded like the perfect way to get forgivenes. However, she couldn't think of any other ideas, so she had to keep going.
Finally she was there, standing at the edge of a small and shrinking pile of dead animals. She'd made it - arguing with herself the entire way, of course. Stalling for time, she stared down at the fresh-kill pile. A big brown mouse called out to her, so she snapped it up in her jaws. After that, and in the light of what was to come, she deserved it.
The mouse was gone much too quickly - Next time don't eat so fast, she chided herself. She dug a shallow dip in the ground - a feat in dirt that was in the process of permafreezing - and buried its bones. Now she had a problem. Even with her seemingly endless talent for procrastination, she couldn't find anything else to do. Shaking the water off her fur - who cared if she drenched a few hapless apprentices in the process? They were supposed to be training, she couldn't think much of them if they couldn't dodge a few drops of water. And it wasn't like they weren't soaked already!
She trotted briskly up to Iceheart. "Sorry. I guess I was stupid. I know you were just trying to help..." She looked down - and jerked her head up again, furious with herself. Even if this was an apology, she didn't have to look weak! "But do you know how hard it is to trust? After having my father, you wouldn't be so quick to judge m-" She clamped her paws over her traitor mouth, muffling any future betraying sounds it might make.
Nice going, genius, bad-cat Chaos sneered. For once, good Chaos had no reply.

((I'm just now reading the first OOC bracket-thingy I did up there, and hoo boy!))

[Shadepelt]

From the corner of his icy optics, the large male saw a grey form snatch a plump mouse from the pile of various dead animals, and scarf it down quick, real quick. Iceheart never ate that quick, it gave him a belly-ache, and when he had pains it stopped him from doing his duty, and the tom hated just laying around being useless. As the she-cat spoke to him, the deputy didn't look at her, but he did flick his large ears toward Chaos to show he was listening. It was quite a thing to see; the Chaos that had a rep of being fox-dung was actually appologising to him, Iceheart, a higher up and generally a good natured cat. If the silver-white tom hadn't had a brain that understood and made sense of lots of things, he probably would have had to sit down.
Waitaminute, what was that?
The fae had stopped so abruptly as to make the tom look at her to see what was wrong, and he found her paws clamped tightly over her mouth. Her father, that was what she had started to talk about right? Obviously she didn't like the tom that sired her, and had no intension on talking about him. Iceheart wouldn't continue on that subject, but he would remember this dislike she had towards her father, incase it came up in the future. After all, the ShadowClan deputy had now dicided to mentor, help Chaos to slowly release that anger, and to understand more about, well life. He wasn't thinking that she didn't know about life, everycat has their own definition of it. But, maybe the she-cat needed to know about what some other cats go through, instead of just worrying about herself. Maybe that would strike something up in her, just maybe, and then Iceheart would have completed his goal. And, he was prepared to work with Chaos for quite awhile; no cat could take on a knew understanding of things in a day, or even a moon.
He flicked his tail and shrugged, as if the subject of her father hadn't even come up.
"It's okay, you had the right to be mad. I just wanted to let you know I don't take mouse-dung from cats, got it?" He smiled, and took a look around the camp. "So, what do you want to do?" The tom would let her choose, after all, he had a goal and was going to keep it, and even if the goal meant changing something in Chaos for the better, he wanted to let her lead, and keep her confidence. There was a certain spunk in her that he liked, and he didn't want that to change.

[[Oooh! xDD]]