Post by Flintpelt [Spideh] on Apr 12, 2006 10:26:01 GMT -5
Yup. Krova's comment.
And then there's still that thing about the RP example. Since they begin as warriors in Nightclan, they can't take the vigil. And about being 'kind and caring'... well, that's just not the Nightclan way. They'd rather claw each others' ears off most of the time, and fights happen a lot. So any cat who is, as you put it, 'kind and caring' will get killed in three seconds flat. And, anyway, the Nightclan cats don't consider others with such terms. They use words like 'stupid', 'oafish', 'foolish', 'petty', etc. etc. Ya know, insults.
There are no elders in Nightclan. Probably get killed off before they get old enough.
Then there's where you put 'he put his claws out'. That's called unsheathing. Also, you could replace the second 'leap' with something that you haven't yet used, such as 'jump'.
At the beginning of your RP example, or mainly the beginning, it says 'Death knew that underneath the brotherhood, these cats would kill each other to live. And it didn't matter what clan you chose, not just NightClan. It was the same with any race. Put them in a situation where they have only one way to live they will take it, even if it means killing their clanmates. Death, unlike the others had figured this out long ago'. Sorry, but that just doesn't cut it. All the Nightclan cats don't care a fragment of mousedung about the others, and would kill them themselves to save their own skins, each and every one of them. Death is not the only one to know about this.
If I find anything else, I'll signal it.
And then there's still that thing about the RP example. Since they begin as warriors in Nightclan, they can't take the vigil. And about being 'kind and caring'... well, that's just not the Nightclan way. They'd rather claw each others' ears off most of the time, and fights happen a lot. So any cat who is, as you put it, 'kind and caring' will get killed in three seconds flat. And, anyway, the Nightclan cats don't consider others with such terms. They use words like 'stupid', 'oafish', 'foolish', 'petty', etc. etc. Ya know, insults.
There are no elders in Nightclan. Probably get killed off before they get old enough.
Then there's where you put 'he put his claws out'. That's called unsheathing. Also, you could replace the second 'leap' with something that you haven't yet used, such as 'jump'.
At the beginning of your RP example, or mainly the beginning, it says 'Death knew that underneath the brotherhood, these cats would kill each other to live. And it didn't matter what clan you chose, not just NightClan. It was the same with any race. Put them in a situation where they have only one way to live they will take it, even if it means killing their clanmates. Death, unlike the others had figured this out long ago'. Sorry, but that just doesn't cut it. All the Nightclan cats don't care a fragment of mousedung about the others, and would kill them themselves to save their own skins, each and every one of them. Death is not the only one to know about this.
If I find anything else, I'll signal it.