Post by Silverstream on Jun 4, 2006 18:12:52 GMT -5
Could you please do a spell check? I'll show you what you had wrong in Appearance:
She has a white body with pitch black paws and ears and the black is also around here eyes. many Scares all over her body, some from herself.he eyes are dark brown almost a black, she can see though any cat, and if looks could kill a lot of cats would be dead. The tip of her tail is crooked from a badger attack. She has long claws and most of the time they are Unsheathed! from behind she looks normal but when you look into her mysterious eyes you see loneliness and anger.
She has a white body with pitch black paws and ears and the black is also around her eyes. Many scars all over her body, some from herself. Her eyes are dark brown almost a black, she can see through any cat, and if looks could kill a lot of cats would be dead. The tip of her tail is crooked from a badger attack. She has long claws and most of the time they are unsheathed. From behind she looks normal but when you look into her mysterious eyes you see loneliness and anger.
All of the sentences are too long, and seem like run-on sentences. Please fix that. I'll show you an example of what you could change that same paragraph to.
Frostfur has a mostly white pelt with pitch black paws and ears. Around her eyes, like a mask, the black fur continues. Scars cover her body, some of them caused by her own claws. Frostfur’s eyes are a penetrating dark brown, almost black. Her gaze can pierce through any cat, and if looks could kill… you’d be dead now. The white tip of her tail is slightly crooked, as a result of a badger attack. Her claws are very long, and are mostly unsheathed. If any cat could hold her gaze long enough, they would find loneliness and anger.
The paragraph still needs to be longer, but you can use my modified version for a base, then add onto it.
She has a white body with pitch black paws and ears and the black is also around here eyes. many Scares all over her body, some from herself.he eyes are dark brown almost a black, she can see though any cat, and if looks could kill a lot of cats would be dead. The tip of her tail is crooked from a badger attack. She has long claws and most of the time they are Unsheathed! from behind she looks normal but when you look into her mysterious eyes you see loneliness and anger.
She has a white body with pitch black paws and ears and the black is also around her eyes. Many scars all over her body, some from herself. Her eyes are dark brown almost a black, she can see through any cat, and if looks could kill a lot of cats would be dead. The tip of her tail is crooked from a badger attack. She has long claws and most of the time they are unsheathed. From behind she looks normal but when you look into her mysterious eyes you see loneliness and anger.
All of the sentences are too long, and seem like run-on sentences. Please fix that. I'll show you an example of what you could change that same paragraph to.
Frostfur has a mostly white pelt with pitch black paws and ears. Around her eyes, like a mask, the black fur continues. Scars cover her body, some of them caused by her own claws. Frostfur’s eyes are a penetrating dark brown, almost black. Her gaze can pierce through any cat, and if looks could kill… you’d be dead now. The white tip of her tail is slightly crooked, as a result of a badger attack. Her claws are very long, and are mostly unsheathed. If any cat could hold her gaze long enough, they would find loneliness and anger.
The paragraph still needs to be longer, but you can use my modified version for a base, then add onto it.